Out and About

I finally went out today! Going outside seemed foreign to me since I didn't go out at all yesterday. I spent the day checking Facebook to see if anyone was online.
I think I talked to John breifly last night. I watched movies with Dad and Linda for part of the day. Linda had to get laundry detregent. She asked if I'd like to go to Target with her.
I jumped at the chance to go out. I spent the money Dad and Linda gave me on a necklace, books, and DVDs at Target and body lotion, shower gel, and some clothes at TJ Maxx. When we got home, Linda ordered pizza. She rented a DVD at Stop and Shop for us to watch tonight. Some movie called 21.
Tomorrow, Nana is coming over for dinner. It will be good to see her since I haven't seen her in about a year. I think the last time I saw her was last Christmas. Oh, have things changed since then!

Nothing Like the Holidays

Well, I finally got to a computer to write my blog. I'm spending a couple days with Dad and Linda. The plans worked out for me to take the train from Back Bay station to Attleboro. Linda and Dad picked me up. We didn't go out to midnight mass or anything. We watched A Christmas Story on TV.
Dad and Linda gave me a card they made off the computer with some cash. I'll have money to go shopping after Christmas. Two of my friends are engaged. My good friend Jenny Ross and Lynda Clare. Lynda lives in Texas now so I probably won't be able to go to her wedding. I'm sure I can go to Jenny's wedding cause she lives in MA.
We're having dinne at 4ish. In the meantime, Dad and Linda are watching Law and Order... goodie. I kind of knew I'd have to sit in front of crime dramas for most of the time I'm here. I watch these shows but I'd never watch them on my own.

Hurts so Good

I'm in so much pychogial pain these days. Sometimes it hurt so much it hurts physically. Caleb is still calling me. I've heard from Carol that he's doing this on purpose. How would she know? Mom and I ran into her and her husband, Dave at HES after I met with my psychiatrist. Carol told Mom and I to tell Matt that I'd pay the $5.00 or whatever is costs to get our # unlisted. It's a small price to pay for my sanity. Matt could take the money out of my ssi accounts.
I'm in Boston tonight and tomorrow night. Mary is fake sick. She called earlier today to tell Mom and I that she couldn't work tonight cause she's sick. Mom and I don't believe this. We think she's making it up. So, after going to Wallgreen's to get my meds filled, we drove back here.
Mom and I ate dinner first then fed her. After dinner, I went to the malls to walk around for awhile. I got back around 8ish. Mom is watching hockey. I hope the B's are winning now. I'll watch some of the game then watch whatever is good on TV Wednesday nights.
I've been so depressed lately and down that I've been dabbling in self mutilation. Sometimes I just feel so hopeless. On these days my physical pain is intense, so hurting myself numbs the pain a bit. I know this isn't good... I've told this to my friend, Matt whom is concerned for me. It's nice of him to care... but sometimes I feel that life has no meaning. Like day and out, week in and out and nothing to strive for.
I think I'll have some things to do soon. Matt might sign me up for driver's ed lessons, so I can get my permit then liscense. I want to take classes soon. I went to Cafe last night. I took the train into town. There wasn't a lot of people at large group. I saw Matt, Patrick. A Jewish couple were the speakers. Thier story was interesting. They had Jewish folk dances downstairs. I didn't dance. I just watched people and ate desserts.
I went to Kennedy's afterwards for an hour or so then took the late train home. I made mac n cheeese in the mircowave and watched Conan. I need to do my Christmas shopping soon- like asap- this weekend! I need to get$$$ from my ssi account, Matt, my dad, anyone so I can get gifts for everyone! Time is running out fast! If I get money soon, very soon, I'll get gifts this weekend. Mom and I will sit Christina in front of the History channel and hide the remote.
I should be spending Christmas with Dad and Linda. My dad had an minor operation done to one of his eyes. He'll be laid up for a few weeks. At worse case scenario, Mom and Matt would drive me to Dad's or I'd take the commuter rain ot Attleboro and Linda would pick me up. Something will be worked out. My family doesn't want me to spend Christmas alone. Now, New Year's Eve ? That's another story.

Here comes Christmas

Christmas in a few short weeks away. I need to go shopping for family soon. I had a good Thanksgiving. My grandparents and uncle came over. It was quiet. I didn't talk much cause I didn't want to talk about the year's events around them. I let Mom talk to Nana and Grandpy. Ricky was in "rare form" which means he was exicted and happy to be at the condo with everyone. Nana, Grandpy, and Ricky are out in CA now. They take Ricky to CA for Chistmas and New Year's. After the holidays he flies back east.
Nana and Grandpy spend a few months in CA then they fly east in April or May. I'll send gifts to them. So, Caleb has called my house a few times. He called to ask when could meet him so we can get our marriage anulled. Mom and Matt think we should divorce cause it's more legal that way.
Matt gave me a book to read called "Are You the One for Me?" It's a book about love and realtionships that a psycholgist wrote. It seems like a good book to read. It talks about making helathy love choices soon in a realionship and talks about warning signs to look out for in guys who aren't the right types for me.
I don't think I'll be looking for a new guy to date right now but reading this book helps me. I haven't been motivated to go to Cafe lately. I've just been sitting at home, drinking beer, and watching sub par sitcoms on Tuesdasy night. This week, I finally got off my ass and went out. I had a good time. I went to Connecting Group and contibuted to the disucssions. Afterwardws, I went to Kennedy's with friends and hung out until it was time for me to take the train home. I forgot that the earliest train I could take during the week is at 10:40. I had to take the last train out at 12:10.
I got home okay. I watched the end of a rerun of Conan then went to bed. I didn't do much yesterday, just got some food. Tonight, I went to the malls to walk around for an hour or so. I browsed expesive shops I could never afford. When I got home, Mom was watching a hockey game with Christina. I went online to check e-mail. After reading what e-mail I got, I decided to write a blog before I watch Grey's Anatomy.
This weekend, Mom and I will start decorating for Christmas. We'll sit Christina in front of the TV, put the History Channel on. Matt went out on Black Friday to buy flat screen TVs. He brought one for their room and one for the kitchen. The flat screen in the kitchen is a plasma TV. The picture is very clear. These TVs are too technical for Mom and Christina. Mom can use them okay but if Christina gets hold of the remote, she could screw up the TV royally. Mom and I hide the remote from her while she's with us weekends.