Well I guess I can blog now. I haven't seen this blog in years. Lots has happened since 2009 Some good some bad. I still go to Cafe but now I belong to a a small group. I was gong to Connecting group for about two years but I wasn't connecting with anyone especially the guys. I was invited to join a women's small group. I love these girls now but the first few months I was at small group I was distracted when I heard the guys in the hall. I wanted to getup and see them but small group wasn't over yet. Over time I learned to block out the guys and focus on the study and develop bonds with the girls in group. I have exciting news to report. After four long years of waiting Caleb finally got a job and is gonna pay for his half of our divorce! Soon we'll go to court to dissolve our marriage. Then I'll finally be legally Heathef Young. Once the divorce is final I'm not gonna go out there and date a new guy. I'm gonna be very cautious about the types of guys I date. Especially after Caleb!

Small Group Winter Retreat 2009

I had a *very* good weekend! I went to Lake Winnsepsake with Cafe small group. It was sooo much fun! It was good to get away from the ho-hum of everyday life. Esp Mom! Matt picked me up in Beverly at 6:30ish Friday night. I rode up with Matt, Brian, and Erin. Brian and Erin live in the city. Matt lives in the north end. He picked them up first then drove to Beverly to pick me up.
Matt had asked me to send him my address last week cause he has as GPS device in his car. GPS doesn't really recongnize my address cause it's very distinct. GPS directed Matt to my street just the wrong condo!
I laughed so much on the ride up to New Hampshire, my sides were litarlly hurting! Brian has a very witty sense of humor. I even did my scream laugh ! I don't do this often. The last time I did scream laugh was oh, back when I was dating John. I think Caleb got me to do scream laugh as well but that doesn't count.
Matt, Brian, Erin, and I stopped at a cafe to get dinner. They haven't really eaten yet. Matt took a picture of me doing my scream laugh with my camera. I want to update my profile picture on Facebook with the picture of me laughing. I'll do this as soon as my stepdad gives me a cable for my camera so I can upload my pics.
We all got to Camp Brookwood (the camp Park Street uses for retreats). I had been to this camp years ago when I used to go Real Life ( the college fellowship group in Boston that still meets at Harvard). In those days Real Life took coach buses to Camp Brookwood. I heard they did this back then cause not as many people came on that retreat.
My stepdad registered me online. I registered late. I'll remember to register early for the summer retreat in August. So... afer dinner, Matt, Brian, Erin, and I continued on. We got to the camp late. We registered at the Deer Run lodge. Erin and I were in the same cabin. Matt drove us to our cabin to put our stuff away. He and Brian stayed in the cabin next door.
I stayed up late this weekend. Saturday was fun. Lots to do. I went tubing for my winter activity, jornaled in front of a fireplace, formal dinner for Cafe Saturday night, a skit show called American Idolarty- with judges as well! Small groups, talked with friends, met new people. It was good to get away. Very relaxing. I wish it was for a week not a weekend!
I guess there was a snowstorm in northern New England Sunday night. We heard that the storm would start around noon. It was just rain at that time but I heard it did snow overnight. Matt wanted to leave for Boston early due to the weather. We ate lunch then left. Once we were in Boston, Matt dropped Erin off at Park Street. She works with one of the kids' groups. Matt and Brian drove me to Christina's. I called Matt on the way into Boston. Matt told me that they were leaving Cambridge.They saw a play but it was just one act. They didn't go out to eat afterwards. Matt and Brian dropped me off. Matt live parked his car on the corner. Brian stayed with the car in case a cop shows up.
Matt met my stepdad Matt and Mom, and Christina breifly. I walked him to the unit door and said bye. I might see him tonight. I'll see Erin. She told me she'll be at Cafe. I was sooo tired Sunday from staying up late this past weekend. Normally, Sunday nights I sleep on the couch cause Mom suffurs from sleep ampmia. She snores so loud! I was so tired, I didn't hear her at all! Last night I was more alert. I slept on the couch.
Tonight Mom, Matt, and I are staying in town cause Matt has to take Christina to an appointment tomrorow. Woo hoo! I can stay out late. I won't stay out too late. Most people leave Kenndy's around 11ish but I won't be surprised if those who went on the retreat leave earlier.

Good Times

Wow. I haven't written a blog in awhile. I think I posted a blog last Saturday. I finally signed up for small group retreat. Matt singed me up Wednesday. Two days before registration ended! I'm gonna register early for the next retreat which is in late summer.
After Matt had completed online registration, he printed out all the paperwork. He asked me how I'd be getting up to Lake Winnespesake. I told him that there would be buses that would take everyone from Park Street to Lake Winnespesake. Then I realized that this is probably not true. I sent a group e-mail to friends on Facebook to ask people if I could ride up with them.
I should've arranged a ride in advance as well cause the first few replies were from friends who's cars are full. Then, Matt told me I could ride up with him, Brian. I'm phsyched about the retreat. I just hope it doens't snow, like a storm. I heard next weekend will be colder. As long as nothing is falling out of the sky!
I'm going to church at Park Street today. There isn't a play or anything tonight, so Mom and Christina will come to Boston later. Not later later. Last Sunday, I went to church. I went to the 6:30 service and saw nobody I knew. As usual, when church was over, people filed out the doors to go home. So, I went to Kennedy's which was very boring. I didn't have enough money for a drink so I got soda. I sat at the bar watching TV until 8:30. If I do this tonight, I'm gonna leave Kenndy's at 9 or 9:30. It doesn't take long for me to get to Christina's apt.
Mom doesn't know when they'll eat dinner. Matt usually works at the computer for awhile, around 6 or so they eat dinner. Mom and Matt clean up which takes time. Last Sunday, since I left Kenndy's earlier than I should've I was locked out of Christina's apt. I stood in the doorway until someone let me in. I knocked on a neighbor's door but got no answer until I knocked again. She was gonna get the key to let me in, just when Mom and Christina came back.
I walked to the train station earlier today. As I was getting close, I saw a train head towards Boston. I used to know the schedule by heart back when I dated John. I forgot that there is a train at 2:34 that goes to Boston. There was another train at 3:16. When I got to the station I asked people if they were waiting for a train. Of course nobody was. The most common anwers people give me are they're waiting for someone to pick them up or they're meeting someone.
I was a little late for church. Service was good. I saw some couples around me. ick. There was coffee and cookies in the welcome center. I got coffee and as much cookies as I could. I thought I'd have to fill up on sugar cause I didn't take something from home to eat.
I ran into some friends from Cafe. Josh, Joel, Sarah, and Erica- not Erica Smith, a different Erica. We went to Kennedy's for dinner. Erica offered to buy me dinner :) We hung out for about a half hour or so. Josh and I dropped by Park Steet to see if they had more coffee and cookies out, since there's a 6:30 service. There must've not been anything for people who went to the 6:30 service cause all the tables were bare.
I took the subway back to St. Botroph street. As usual, Mom and Christina weren't home. I buzzed a neighbor's unit again to be let in. This woman is rather cold. She doen't help us out. She let me in the condo but didn't go downstairs to get the key to Christina's *unit* cause she was still in the middle of something aka probably having nookie with her husband. "In the middle of something" is usually code for that type of stuff.
I sat in the front stairwel for awhile, checking my watch every five minutes. By 9ish I decided to walk to Braisiere Jo's to get water and sit at another bar. At first the bartender was miffed that I'm so poor I can't afford soda for $3. When I told him my story, he relaxed a bit.
I left around 10 to head back to Christina's. I brought a soda at 7-Eleven to kill more time. They still weren't there by the time I got there. I waited for them in the parking lot until they got here. They came rolling in around 10:30. Once we all were inside, I logged on to Facebook. Nobody was online :( I'll probably check Facebook on and off until whenever, hoping someone will be online- someone to talk to.

What a week

What a week! I've been going practically non stop! Monday night, I was in Boston, as usual we had to commute back to Christina's then I went shopping. We ended up staying in town Tuesday and Wednesday night. I think we even stayed overnight Thursday. It looks like Mary is off the radar. Mom, Matt, and I will probably take turns staying in Boston until we move Christina to Beverly to live with us. Mom thinks this will happen soon. I don't know exactly when it will happen but I agree it will happen soon.

The opera was okay. Mom and I ate dinner at the bar before going to the concert. Neither of us really wanted to see the opera so we took our time eating dinner and stuff. Matt had dropped us off at the theater and picked up Christina. They didn't eat- they came directly to the theater. We went to Uno's afterwards. The opera wasn't very long like the last one we saw. Uno's was open. Matt got dinner. Christina got a salad. Matt tried to suggest things for her to eat but she only wanted a salad.

Thursday night, I was in town with Mom. I went to A Night of Non-Musical prayer and Worship. It was okay. It was cold outside that night which could be one of the reasons not many people showed up. A handfull of people showed up. I ended up writing for the hour or so. I saw my friend Brian there. He goes to MIT. I know that MIT students tend to focus thier studies on science and math- two of my worst subjects in school.

Last night there was a benefit concert at Park Street. It didn't occur to me to stay in town yesterday while Mom, Matt, and Christina went home. I came with them to the northshore only to commute back to Boston. I took the bus into town. I take two buses, one to Salem Depot from Beverly and a second bus from there to Haymarket station which isn' too bad cause I get to Park Street faster than taking the subway from North Station to Park Street.

The bus going to Salem Depot was late. I was meeting Rebecca, a friend I've met at Cafe over the fall. We had planned to meet at Starbucks in Downtown Crossings, get coffee and chat until 7:30ish to go to the concert. By the time I got to Park Street station and found my way to Starbucks I had enough time to just get coffee and chat for a few minutes. I guess Rebecca wanted to sit with me but we got separated from each other once we got to church.
The benefit concert was very good. A few people I know played music. Afterwards there was food- not food food but junk stuff, cookies, brownies, etc. I tried not to eat too much of that crap... I didn't eat a real dinner cause of the delayed commute and wasn't gonna gorge on cookies and all and call that dinner !
Fortunately, someone gave me fair trade bannannas. It was better than chocolate which I could've brought but said no. If I had brought chocolate I would've eaten it before I got my train home. Kevin, who I guess is one of the older adults who works at Park Street kicked all us young folks out by 10. During the week we have to leave by 9:30 tops. I usually go to Kenndy's with people anyway.
Oh, but Thursday night everyone who had come out to Park Street for the non-musical thing had left to go home or to bed or whatever cause most of them had to be up for work or school. I have neither right now so I went to Kenndy's to hang out. Mom had taken Christina to see some play at the Hunnington Theater that night. I knew the non-musical thing would get over way earlier than the play. If I'd gone back to Christina's apartment assuming Mom and Christina were home, I'd be out of luck, and would have to wait around in the cold until they finally did come back.
So, when I got to Kenndy's I didn't see anyone I knew. It was fairly crowded there, mostly college age students hanging out with friends. There was a Celtics game on... Celtics vs Lakers and of course LA beat us -again ! It was a very close game. The game was over by 11ish. I got back to Christina's place later. Mom was asleep when I came in. Facebook wasn't loading on Matt's computer. I had sat there and tried everything to get it to log on but nothing! By 2am I was like screw it! I'll try again tomorrow. It worked fine the next day.
So, last night, I wanted to buy food at McDonald's which happened to be still open that late. There was a line of people and only one person on the registers. Of course the food ran out quicker than if two people were working the registers! They offered ice cream for food but again- not a real dinner! I ate a bannanna on the train then cooked a mini pizza in at home.
I had to get up early today to go to driver's ed- the final class! No more having to get up early on Saturdays! I ended up going online for a few hours after I got home. I watched some of Letterman then decided to try out going online. For awhile I haven't been able to log online using my stepdad's computer cause he had screensaver security stuff on it which didn't allow me to log on. Lately, I've only been able to go online when I'm at Christina's. Now I can go online practically anytime!
This is a good thing. I can always keep in touch with friends but it can also be a bad thing which I found out how alluring Facebook can be late at night. Most people are online late cause of the school and work thing. Tonight, I can stay up as late as I want but within reason! I won't be online all night! I think a fair stopping time it 2am or so cause I get really tired at that hour. When I can't sleep right awway I'll go online and talk to a friend until I get tired! Who needs milk to help insomnia when you can log online and chat with a friend who lives 3,000 miles away from you physically but it's like they're talking with you on the phone, and live in the same town, if not the same state.
Needless to say, it was a bitch getting up today. I was sooo tired! I've been sitting at the computer for awhile tonight. I gotta take a break cause my joints are hurting me from sitting for so long. When you go online you lose track of time very easily.

Goals to achieve...the silver lining of happiness ?

Caleb called last weekend. He wants to know when we'll start the annulment/divorce proceedings. He thinks that if we wait too long it will cost more money. I don't know about that but I do want to get this thing started asap. I think Matt looked up a legal aid or priviate attorney to help me out. When I talk to this person, I'll tell him/her about how Caleb abused med and all the shit I had to go through last summer.
Today was the typical schedule. Go to Beverly for an hour or so, go to therapy. Come home. Wait until Mom is finished making lunches for Matt and herself before I can heat up a bowl of soup in the microwave and eat befor we have to go back to town to take care of Christina for the night.
I think Mary is working tomorrow night. Wednesday afternoon, Mom, Matt, and I are coming back here cause we're taking Christina to the opera thing at the movie theater in Revere. I'm going too cause Matt brought me a ticket. Mary should work Thursday night since we'll be here Wednesday.
After Mom and I got to Christina's I went to the Pru mall to buy some things. I got my Clinique mosterizer that Mom used during the summer when I wasn't home. I also got All About Eyes which I think Caleb used most of that. No comment there.
I got coffee at Starbucks and soap at Barney's New York. The soap cost $17! I thought that store is expensive! I got hair serum at The Body Shop that tames my frizz and flyaways good.
After I brought the skin care at Barney's New York I left the malls. I knew if I was there longer I'd spend more money I don't have. Tomorrow I'm going to Cafe. Even if it's snowing out. I don't care. There are always a small group of brave souls who trek to Park Street rain, snow, or shine.
I'm going on a retreat with Cafe in a few weeks. We're going to Lake Winnpesake. We stay at a camp BU owns up there. I think the following Saturday is the dance I've been looking forward to. I'll have to hook up with freinds who can pick me up or whatever.

It's a Beautiful Day

It was a beautiful day when Barrack Obama officially became the 44th President of the United States. I, like most of this country hopes for good change to happen to this country. I'd like to see the ecomomy get better so there will be more jobs. If consumers aren't buying things, the stores and companies and stuff will suffer, cut jobs, etc then we'll spiral down into a recession.
I've been feeling better these days. I went to welcome dinner last Friday. Someone named Suzie was hosting the dinner at her apartment in Brookline. I met some people and stuff. At this welcome dinner, there was a real dinner, not just soup or pizza.
I had to leave early cause I had driver's ed in the morning. After driver's ed, Mom, Matt, Christina and I ate dinner at the Anchor before going to Boston to see a play at the ART. The play was The Seagull. I thought it was good, it was a more serious play, written by a Russian playwright so it was melodramtic. The play was long- it was nearly 11pm when it was over.
We stayed up late Saturday night watching movies and shows on TV. I didn't do much Sunday. Just went to Boston to stay the night. Mary is still in Irealnd, so Mom and I have been in Boston for most of this week. I went to Cafe Tuesday night but didn't have to worry about having money for the train. I went to Connecting Group. Someone had brought cookies for snacks. I talked to some people then went to Kenndy's to hang out. I didn't have enough money for beer. I just got soda which didn't cost me anything.
I think I had confindence that night which drew people in to hang out with me. I got two invites- one from John to go ice skating tongiht at a community skating rink in Cambridge. I was gonna rent skates and have someone help me while I skate, but I told Mom and Matt about my plans and they said I couldn't ice skate cause I would get hurt from falling on the ice- like break a bone.
They said I could go out to meet people there and watch people ice skate. I'm debating whether or not I should still go out. I'd get out of the house but I'd have to find something to eat and with the money I have, I can't afford much for food.
Patrick invited me to do something a week from tomorrow. I might still have driver's ed but I'll go out afterwards. I'll give Patrick my e-mail Tuesday.
Wednesday night, I saw an opera at a movie theater in Revere. The Metropoltian Opera tapes thier shows and replays them to movie theaters so people who can't afford to see the operas live can see them. We saw La Rondine. It was good. We didn't go out to eat. We ate at home. The next time, we'll go out to eat at a restarant that's inside the theater. I didn't mention that I'm going to the bathroom around Christina cause when I mention it, she minicks me and tells Mom she has to use the bathroom as well. Mom doesn't like spending all her time in bathrooms when we go out. The less times Christina goes, the better. When she doesn't have to at all, that's even better!

Friends. How many of us has them ?

So, I've been trying to connect with people at Cafe but it's very frusterating. I just meet people and get asked "how was your week ?" Pretty boring. How about yours? Oh, wait. Your week wasn't dull. You work for a living. How lucky you are. The ecomony is too far down the crapshoot for someone like me to even consider getting a job.
I've yet to register for a class at Northshore Community College. I'll do that once I write this blog. I was gonna go to the school and register in person but Mom had other things to do. If I register online and find out how the hell you do this, then I'll be all set for this semester. I'm sort of keeping busy. I'm taking driver's ed on Saturdays. It's a goal of mine to get my permit, take the road test and get my license, and a car so that whenever the economy gets better, I'll be able to have a job that will pay well enough for me to support myself as much as I can.
While I'm going through this divorce process thing, I'll put my name in a few waiting lists for subsidized housing. It's another goal of mine to live indepdendently- away from Mom and Matt. I like living with them, but I'm not gonna live with them by the time I'm 40!
I still go to Cafe Tuesday nights but has made little to no connections with people there. These people work during the week. Which is why it's good for me to have something to do like taking a class at Northshore. It will break up the week, and make me feel cofindent.
I still want to go to the Y someday and get some exercise. Over the past few months, I've put on some weight. When I was with Caleb, I lost weight cause we rode bikes everywhere. I know I can't do this year round cause this is New England. Well, some people ride bikes year round. I don't though. I'm trying to get motivated enough to at least walk around town when I'm home or even in Boston!
No, what I choose to do is log online hoping someone will be on Facebook to talk to, eat ice cream late at night while watching TV. I hope I get out of this rut soon.