The Turkey Song

I love that song. It's always played over and over again around Thanksgiving. I'm spending the holiday with Mom, Matt, Christina, and my grandparents and uncle. Matt ordered a 18lb turkey from Henry's. Today, I'll sit around tooling around the Internet until it's time for me to go home. We'll probably have to eat at the Anchor cause we'll probably be stuck in rush hour traffic coming from Boston.
Matt asked me if I was coming to the concert with Mom and Christina. They're going to a matinee concert today. I'm not going cause I don't have the cash for a rush ticket. I could've asked Matt for cash but I didn't think of it.

I'm alone all the time feeling comfortably numb

Yes this fits. I'm alone all the time feeling comfortably numb. How true that is. I'm feeling very lonely these days. I didn't go to Cafe last week cause I didn't feel like commuting into town and have to take the commuter rail home after standing around after small group making small talk, going to Kenndy's having to get water cause I didn't have money for a real drink, more idle small talk then go home.
I forgot it was Large Group. John went to Large Group. The speaker was the same guy I'd seen the Sunday before so I didn't miss anything. Wednesday, Kellie invited me over to watch America's Next Top Model. I don't watch that show, but was grateful for Kellie to invite me over for that hour. Thursday night, I went to see a concert at Symphony Hall with Mom and Christina. The concert was amazing! It was so good I peed my pants lol no not literally! I took that line from Pretty Woman, but it really was a very well done concert- probably one of the best I've seen.
Symphony Hall is now having pre and post concert receptions free to ticketholders. We went to the post concert recpetion. Mom and Christina got a table with some other couple. I was gonna sit with them and get a glass of wine then go home. There was finger foods and free wine! As I was in line for the food, I heard a guy call me. I turned around and I saw a group of freinds from Park Street! My friend, Shelby invited me to join them at a table. Some of my freinds met Mom and Christina.
I ate and drank wine with my friends for a half hour or so then walked back to Christina's. Friday night, I did go out with John. It wasn't as fun as the last time we hung out. He was acting the same ways he used to. I don't think I'll hang out with him anymore- like never! We saw Madagascar 2 at the IMAX theater. It was okay. I might've thought going there would be more fun if I didn't go with John.
Saturday night, I went to see the final play of the season with Mom, Matt, and Christina. We ate dinner at home cause it's expensive to go out to dinner before the concert given the dismal state of the ecomony. We saw the play 42nd Street which I guess is a famous play. It was very good. When we all got home, Mom, Matt, and Christina watched news programs. I watched SNL until I fell asleep.
Sunday, we didn't do much. Mom and I took Christina home after Mom and Matt watched warstories on PBS. I read the November issue of Elle magazine in the living room while they watched this. Around 8ish, it was time to leave.
I went to therapy today. I didn't spend much time home cause Mom and I had to come back to Christina's before the van dropped her off. I decided to go to the libary to see if I could find a book to read. I didn't find a book to read- I found many to read! I didn't check out a book. I just toiled through the aisles of books on various subjects. It was almost 6 when I left. I walked home from the libary. Christina doesn't live too far from Copley Square at all. It was a waste of money to take the T there!
I had $10.00 left from what money I had. I tried to buy something at The Body Shop, but I couldn't afford anything. I ended up getting a cafe latte at Starbucks and a cookie. I have some change left over.
Tomorrow morning I have to wake up early. The surefire way to wake up early is to sleep in the same room with Mom. She snores so loud, I'd never get enough sleep! I'll be bitchy from lack of sleep, but if I want to shower in the morning, I'll have to make this sarcafice. I might go to small group tomorrow night, but it's kind of not worth it if I commute, make idle small talk at Kennedy's, then go home ? No real connections yet so why bother ? Still, it is something to do. Oh, I'll probably go. I haven't been to Park Street in a week or so anyway.

Long time, no blog

I haven't written a blog in about a week or so. The charges have been dismissed for Matt. Now I'm living 80% of my week in Beverly and 20% in Boston. I don't see anyone while I'm home cause everyone is at work. I keep busy though. I went to get my food stamps card today. Tomororw I'll get groceries. Since I'm living with Mom and Matt again, they want me to learn how to budget what money I have so I can live indpendently in the not too distant future.
They'll make space for me in the fridges and the pantry for my food. One thing I learned while I was with Caleb was how to make a menu for the week, write out what I'll make for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and snacks, and stick to it. Write down what I'll need for food, and stick to that list.
I did the menu thing with Caleb for a few weeks until he didn't want to eat at home and talked me into getting food at the mall and McDonald's dollar menu.
I've seen John recently. After started staying in Boston, I was very lonely and depressed over losing Caleb and all. I agreed to meet John at Starbucks, but it took us three times to meet. I was busy he was busy. Finally, one Sunday afternoon, we hung out. He listened to me talk about my feelings and all. When we were talking outside at the reflection pool, it felt to me like I didn't know John at all. Like I was talking with a guy I've never met before. I leanred that John isn't the same guy he was when we were trying to date as a couple.
I've Facebooked John, we talk online often and sometimes over the phone. He has a job now and is thinking about moving out of his mom's house when he can afford it which might be soon. We won't move in together. John is also into being pure in his friendships. He told me that not only won't he fool around with girls until he gets married, he won't even kiss anyone! I thought that was kind of extreme but it's true. John didn't kiss me or try to kiss me a few weeks ago when we hung out.
I was surprised. Usually, he would be making out with me five minutes after seeing me. He tells me to seek God and stuff before I find love again..... like having a close realtionship with Jesus. Oh, yeah like I could be happy by finding love and comfort in Jesus who I can't see or hear or talk to like a person.
I looked at pics of Halloween in Salem. Looks like a good time. Sorry I wasn't there. I spent Halloween in the traffic of people who were gonna have fun. I went to dinner with Mom and Christina at the Anchor then fell asleep in front of Letterman. But, really, I'm glad all those couples decked out in Halloween costumes got to have a blast. I really am.
I'll be home for the next 2 1/2 days. Kellie might, might have time to see me one of those nights... we'll see. I wish I had internet access at my computer at home. Matt downgraded to DSL, I don't have a phone jack installed in my room. I'll have to wait until the electrician comes over which will be weeks after Matt calls. I guess I can get a good book to read. I'm debating on whether or not to commute to town tomorrow night to go to Cafe. Nobody really talks to me there, so why bother. I don't like small talk while everyone talks about going to parties and all. I'd see Josh but just chatting... that's why I'm glad I'm still friends with John. He talks to me cause he knows how it feels to be alone. It sucks.
I have to make dinner for Mom and I clean up, then watch Dancing with the Stars at 8 the SNL special at 9. I'll watch the local news, Sex in the City, get off, then go to bed. That's usually my nights. Who needs a guy when I say can say hello to Miss Hand ? It's not ideal but it does work for the time being...
I don't agree with some of the morals most Christians have. One thing I don't fully agree on is sex before marriage... I've done it with two guys so far. One I wasn't married to, and the other, well, we got married so we could do it- not that it was any good. More on that subject if I meet with girlfriends one of these days, weeks, or months.
These days the Internet is my best freind. It's always there when I need it and most nights there is someone to talk to- not on gmail- on Facebook. I have more friends on Facebook anyway. Usually, I talk to John. Some people on Facebook don't talk to me when I've instant messaged them. I've learned not to instant message people who don't reply. Send one IM, and no reply? Why bother... I contact those friends on their Facebook page.