Friends, how many of us have them ?

Caleb called me from Bayridge. He's been trying to reach me for days. I wonder how he reached me now cause Mom changed her cell # and Matt changed the home #. I think Caleb knows the home #. So, he misses me and wants to be friends. He still thinks we can have a relationship cause we're still married. Once we're leagally separated we won't be. He still wants to be with me.
I told him that Mom and Matt are getting a restraining order against him for Mom and I. It's for Mom as well cause she's afraid of him. I'm not so much afraid, I just don't want to deal with the mental and emotional abuse he does to me, yet I agreed to see him downtown once he's released from the hospital.
The day game is being played now. Mom has left to go to watch the game with Matt either at the Anchor or at the yacht club. It's been a dull afternoon. I've downed two glasses of wine already. I told Mom to come back as soon as the game is over. The Red Sox were losing the last time I checked but they could be ahead now. If they were losing earlier, Mom would've been here by now.
When Caleb called from Bayridge, he was gonna go out for the 15 minute walk. He should be inside by now. He's been at Bayridge for a few days. I wonder when he'll be be discharged ? He'll probably be there far longer than I was.

Oh how I wish it would rain down on me

Ugh I don't like this rain. It's dreary and depressing looking outside. Mom, Christina and I rode to Beverly yesterday. Mom, Matt, and Christina had dinner at the Anchor. Mom ordered me take out from the Anchor to eat in the unit. After dinner, we all went to see a play at Northshore Music Theater. The play for now is Showboat. It was a movie in the 60s. Mom told me that she'd seen the movie version with Nana and her sister, Stephanie.
Mom, Christina and I spent last night at Summit. Early this morning, Mom and I got up to drive to the shelter in Gloucester to get my clothes. Little did Mom know that the shelter closes around quarter of 8am and won't reopen until 5:00pm. Mom decided to suck it up and drive to Gloucester tomorrow afternoon.
I've been bored for most of today. The Red Sox game is in a rain delay. Mom and Christina are reading the papers or just sitting around. Eventually, the three of us will go back to town. Today there should be a day/night double header for the Red Sox and Yankees. If the day game gets cancelled I hope the night game will be played.
Mom and I will stay in Beverly Tuesday and Wednesdays for a few weeks. I hope I can see my friends while I'm staying in Beverly. I'd come to church with them but I'll be in town. I might go to Park Street next week. Mom suggests that I see Dad next weekend. That would be nice. I haven't seen my dad since May, when I was living with Caleb and his parents. He got a new job, after a very long time looking for a job. He likes his new job. I haven't seen him lately cause of all the shit that has been going on.
I mentioned the possibility of spending the holidays with him and Linda. He and I will talk more about this later on. It's not even Halloween yet! Wednesday is October 1st though. I like October cause of baseball playoffs. This year I can watch them. Last fall, I barely saw them and we were in the World Series!!! Caleb doesn't like to watch baseball or any sport. The next guy I get involved with will be a sports fan, not a sissy sports fan, a real sports fan! I'd love to go to Fenway Park with a guy who likes baseball as much as I do.
I'm gonna put off searching for love cause I was blinded by it while I dated then married Caleb. If I knew the facts more, that Caleb is really not ready to be married, and to a woman for that matter! He's confused about his sexual orientation. If I had accepted the fact that I shouldn't be more than friends with him, things would've remained the same.
An poster a friend of mine used to read "You can't change your past, but you can change your future." This is very true. With my faith, I can.

One in the lonliest Numberrr

One love, one hurt, we get to carry each other. Love Hurts, love swarms, love stinks yeah yeah!
This has been one fucked up year for me. I met Caleb one year ago. We dated for less than a year then for unknown and stupid reasons we felt that we loved each other enough to get engaged and married aka elope. April 1, 2008 was my 28th b-day. I had invited my grandparents to come over for a family b-day party. I invited Caleb as well. That next day, my dad had come up to see me. Caleb and I were eloping that night. We went to the 99 to eat. I was trying to get back to downtown Bevelry to meet Caleb. I didn't tell Dad what was going on. I just told him I had to be downtown at 5:30.
So the first few weeks of April began my fucked up marriage to Caleb. We lived in and out of hotels, I drained my college savings account which was meant to pay for tuition and books. In April, Caleb casually asked me if I was ever sexually abused cause that night he'd gone out to meet with one of the guys who had sexually abused him. I said no at first but thought of my stepdad which he really didn't do those things I'd said about him. I had told everyone all this due to pressure from Caleb and his family. I never wanted to press charges or make Mom and Matt go through what they went through these past six months.
I'm in the process of restoring my life and the lives of those around me. Caleb and I have had a rough month and a half. We had moved to a boarding house, the Greycoft Inn in Beverly the end of July and had stayed there until Labor Day in Septemeber. We were evicted from our room Greycoft Inn cause of Caleb and his dad calling the police a couple times which made the tennants who live there angy at Caleb and I.
We were homless and had to find a place to stay. We spent a night at a friend's apartment. I had spent a few weeks in a psych ward due to the stress of being homeless and all. After I got out of the phych ward Caleb and I met Debbie, a freind who works at the Anchor who helped us go to Action Sheler in Gloucester. We stayed there for a week until Caleb decided that he would leave the shelter this past Sunday night. The rules at this shelter is that people can't sign out once they sigh in for the night. If they do, they can't return to the shelter for three days at a minimum.
Caleb had spent Sunday night at his brother's apartment then another night at his parents' house. The other day, his dad dropped Caleb off in front of the shelter. It hadn't been three days yet. Someone had told Caleb he could come back sooner which was false information. Caleb got into some confrontations with some of the staff. He spent that night in a friend's car then walked over to the shelter to see me. We had walked to DD to hang out until I met Mom. Caleb had wanted to stay wiht me in Beverly until he gets a job and moves out on his own.
Mom, Matt, and most of my family told me that I'd have to be strong and leave Caleb in the dust. Caleb did come to Beverly with Mom and I but Mom had dropped him off in front of Atomic Cafe. Later on, I found out that Caleb's friend Joel was driving him to Beverly Hospital. As of now he's been admitted to the same phych ward I had stayed at three weeks earlier. I've asked Carol, the manager of the rooming house to help me get a legal separation and divorce from Caleb.
As for me, I'm gonna live with Mom and Christina a few days during the week, some nights I'll stay in Bevelry. Since the legal stuff over Matt isn't resolved yet, Matt will stay at a hotel/motel the nights I stayt in Beverly. My dad is offering to take me in for a few days... I might spend some weekends with him and Linda.

So, that's all folks.... hope to keep in touch